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HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by ) 7/12/2011
You got to find somebody who likes
the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like
it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and
dip coming. -- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're
going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get
to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10
...
2 Comments, 58 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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A Woman's Prayer. 6/17/2011
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man, to Love
and to forgive him and for patience, for his moods. Because
Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.
3 Comments, 30 Views,
8 Votes
,5.80 Score
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Did you hear about.... 3/4/2011
I read a poll that was taken a few years ago around 2000. The
poll was taken of 2000 married couples that had been united
over 50 years. Remarkably 71 percent said after the first
meerting they could care less if they ever saw the other
again. 97 percent said they would never consider marry
the other after the first meeting.
I drove to a town about 90 minutes from here recently and
had a ...
2 Comments, 52 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Maybe It's True That Life BeginsAt FIFTY 1/10/2011
It is true that life begins at 50 but everything else starts
to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
<br>
There are three signs of old age.
The first is your loss of memory.
The other two I forget.
<br>
You're getting old when you don't care where your
spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
<br>
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and ...
3 Comments, 62 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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How To Make A Woman Happy? 1/10/2011
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only
needs to be:
a friend a companion a lover a brother a father a master a chef an electrician a carpenter a plumber a mechanic a decorator a stylist a sexologist a gynecologist a psychologist a pest exterminator a psychiatrist a healer a good listener an organizer a good father very clean sympathetic athletic warm attentive gallant ...
4 Comments, 44 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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A Man Was Complaining 1/10/2011
Oh Lord, please have mercy on me, I work so hard, meantime
my wife stays at home, I would give anything if you would
grant me one wish "switch me into my wife" she's
got it easy at home I want to teach her a lesson of how tough
a man's life is. As God was listening he felt sorry for this soul and granted
his wish. Next morning the "new woman" wakes
up at dawn, makes lunch boxes, prepares ...
1 Comments, 33 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
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I Can Tell Your Age By The Amount Of Chocolate That You Eat 1/9/2011
Don't tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood
anyway-but the Hershey Man will know!
YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute.
Work this out as you read
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've
worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of ...
4 Comments, 41 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Breaking a bad habit 9/15/2010
How many times have you tried to quit a bad habit? I have heard
it takes 3 tries before you make it. When people ask me how I quit smoking & never took it
up again I tell them this short story.
"Smoking is like a bad boyfriend, you never take them
back." Commited too good health means mental & physical.
1 Corinthians 12 "For the manifestation of the
spirit is given to each one for a ...
1 Comments, 14 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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Baptizing a Drunk 6/25/2010
A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when
he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps
into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost
overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the
drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk answers, "Yes, I am." So the preacher
grabs him ...
20 Comments, 2829 Views,
331 Votes
,5.59 Score
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Why The Ladies Are Single? 5/19/2010
In chatting with my lady friends I have found out quite a
few reasons as to why some of them are still single. Below
are some of the reasons that I have been given, hahahaha,
enjoy, cheers.
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not ...
4 Comments, 77 Views,
10 Votes
,4.18 Score
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Sabrina618 you're not the only one 4/5/2010
Hi Sabrina if you're still there, I just want to let
you know you're not the only one. It seems I am in the
same predicament. I have absolutely no idea why I can't
get a girlfriend, and even some of the strangest guys around,
that I see do. I see couples everywhere (here in Holland),
singles are no where to be seen or are uninterested.
I also look after myself, I'm not ugly, I don't ...
1 Comments, 199 Views,
91 Votes
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Christian Pick up lines (Not written by me) 3/26/2010
1. "nice bible."
2. "is this pew taken?"
3. "i just don't feel called to celibacy."
4. "for you i would slay two Goliaths"
5. "i would go through more than Job for you"
6. "you are perfect, except with all the sin."
7. "when Moses struck the rock, water flowed from
it like a river. I promise I will never strike you."
8. "you are so ...
3 Comments, 67 Views,
9 Votes
,3.00 Score
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who to marry 10/10/2009
first of all that special person must be content with who
you are and not try to remold you. suggestions are ok just
not demands. two people must enjoy the same style of music.
and two people must be compatable in a loving intimate way. discuss what you enjoy and if two
people enjoy affection.
1 Comments, 34 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
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"When NOT to Accept a Proposal, For Women" 8/28/2009
Women who can answer "yes" to five or more of
these questions should consider carefully before accepting
a proposal of marriage.
On his first date with you, did he pick you up early so you
could help with his laundry?
To reach him in an emergency, would anyone think to call
the local adult bookstore?
Has he ever bragged about seeing every episode of "Gilligan's
Island" ...
0 Comments, 61 Views,
9 Votes
,2.36 Score
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WET PANTS 8/2/2009
Come with me to a third grade classroom.There is a nine-year-old
sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle
between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks
his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine
how this has happened. It's never happened before,
and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear
the end of it. When the girls find ...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
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How Adam had it easy...... 6/12/2009
1. He is the only man who has never been compared to the man
she could have married. 2. He had no in-laws to drop in. 3. There was no Jones for him to keep up with. 4. There were no credit cards or shopping centers. 5. He never had his dinner interrupted by window salesmen.
6. He got away with wearing a simple wardrobe. 7. He never had to shovel snow. 8. If he had gone bald, who would have known ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Words Women Use, OK Men Don't Say I Didn't Warn You 7/31/2008
Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they
are Right and you need to shut up.
Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half
an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just
been given five more Minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something
and you should ...
1 Comments, 46 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
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Careful What You Wish For: 7/27/2008
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly
dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for
a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If
I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of
dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago, " the
homeless woman told me. "Will you use it to go shopping ...
1 Comments, 28 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Hello Ladies, Some Lines To Help You Turn Down Guys That Are Turning You Off 4/6/2008
HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a
face like yours! SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking
for a face like yours!
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance? SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE: I must have been given your share!
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday? SHE: Sorry! I'm having a ...
0 Comments, 27 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Indian Chief 3/16/2008
It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked
their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold
or mild. He had never been taught the old secrets. When he
looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter
was going to be like.
To be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was
indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village
should ...
2 Comments, 121 Views,
14 Votes
,6.66 Score
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Dear Future -in Law: 2/12/2008
Dear Future -in Law:
I have been unable to sleep since I forced my to
break off her engagement to you. Will you forgive and forget?
I was much too sensitive about your orange Mohawk haircut,
multiple tattoos, pierced nose and assorted rings in your
ears, eyebrows and tongue. I now realize motorcycles aren't really that dangerous,
and I really should not have reacted that ...
0 Comments, 44 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Golf in Heaven 1/15/2008
God, Jesus and John the Baptist are playing golf up in heaven.
On the first tee, JB leads off and hits a big blast right down
the gut; it rolls to a stop about 270 yards out, perfect lie.
Jesus steps up next and kills the ball, sending it about
300 yards straight away, perfect lie.
God steps up, waggles and wiggles, and then badly hooks
his ball into the trees. As it flies in, a huge oak ...
1 Comments, 42 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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Men Are Like Fine Wine, From A Woman's Point Of View 1/15/2008
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes,
and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the
dark until they mature into something you'd like to
have dinner with.
0 Comments, 27 Views,
5 Votes
,1.19 Score
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How to sell a BIBLE 1/15/2008
Three little boys were looking for a summer job. Their preacher
needed some people to go around and sell Bibles, so the preacher
hired two boys without even thinking twice. He was hesitant
about hiring the third boy because he suffered from a speech
impediment, but hired him anyway.
So after the first days of work, they all met back at the church.
The preacher looked at the first boy and ...
0 Comments, 35 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Who should make the coffee? 1/15/2008
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should
make the coffee each morning.
<br>
The wife said: You should do it honey, because you get up
earlier than I.
<br>
The husband said: You are in charge of the cooking in this
house so you should make the coffee, because that's
your job.
<br>
Wife replies, No, because it says in the bible that the man ...
2 Comments, 165 Views,
25 Votes
,5.90 Score
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Men Never Seem To Learn Not To Mess With Women 1/15/2008
A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans, with a box of crabs.
A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in
the crew's refrigerator, which she did. The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally
responsible for the crabs staying frozen and proceeded
to rant and rave about what would happen if she let the crabs
thaw out. Shortly before landing in New York, ...
1 Comments, 38 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Grandma And Grandpa 1/1/2008
Grandma and Grandpa were driving from Washington to Florida
to attend their granddaughter's graduation from medical school.
Halfway through their trip, they stopped to visit one of
their sons in Kansas for a night. Grandpa found a bottle
of Viagra in the Medicine cabinet. He asked his about
using one of the pills. The said, 'I don't think
you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very ...
1 Comments, 52 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Some Things That I Am Pondering 10/14/2007
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most
people die of natural causes.
<br>
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure
you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant to pull on
it.If it comes out
of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
<br>
The easiest way to find something lost around the house
is to buy a replacement.
...
2 Comments, 84 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
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Money 10/14/2007
It can buy a House
But not a Home
<br>
It can buy a Bed
But not Sleep
<br>
It can buy a Clock
But not Time
<br>
It can buy you a Book
But not Knowledge
<br>
It can buy you a Position
But not Respect
<br>
It can buy you Medicine
But not Health
<br>
It can buy you Blood
But not Life
So you see money isn't ...
2 Comments, 85 Views,
6 Votes
,5.64 Score
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What Were They Thinking 10/12/2007
The following are actual medical records inserts taken
from patients actual medical record charts.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his
airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet
turtle, who is presently ...
5 Comments, 154 Views,
13 Votes
,2.98 Score
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