|
The patient's prayer 8/18/2006
A man asked God for patience and
he prayed out saying, " O God, give me patience and
i need it NOW!"...
1 Comments, 49 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
|
|
4 Sentences for The Perfect Marriage 8/16/2006
I recently attended my cousins wedding. In order to give
the groom some advice on how to make a marriage perfect,
the father of the bride was consulted. Apparently, a man
only needs to know 4 sentences each comprised of 3 words.
Even a dullard can get this!
1) I love you.
2) I'll fix it.
3) When everything seems to be going wrong and she's
REALLY UPSET...
...
2 Comments, 163 Views,
17 Votes
,3.83 Score
|
|
WOMEN 7/31/2006
"If a woman tells you she's 20 and looks 16, she's
12. If she tells you she's 26 and looks 26, she's
damn near 40."
...
2 Comments, 114 Views,
9 Votes
|
|
For Those Of Us Who Have , hahaha 7/23/2006
To those of us who have in our lives, whether they
are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students.
Here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your are out of control, you can take
comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence
did not extend to His own
.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
|
|
Caught in d act!!! 7/21/2006
A man who was driving a car with his wife was stopped by a police
officer and the following exchange took place:
The man says, "What's the problem, officer?"
Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 65."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The man gave his wife a dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give ...
1 Comments, 193 Views,
32 Votes
,5.21 Score
|
|
Heaven Can Wait 7/12/2006
A man trying to understand the nature of God asked him: “God,
how long is a million years to you?”
<br>
God answered: “A million years is like a minute.”
<br>
Then the man asked: “God, how much is a million dollars to
you?”
<br>
And God replied: “A million dollars is like a penny.”
<br>
Finally, the ...
0 Comments, 294 Views,
43 Votes
,6.64 Score
|
|
Letter Of Resignation 7/2/2006
This is an actual letter of resignation from an employee
at a computer company, to her boss,
who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!
Dear Mr. Baker,
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have
a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that
my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above
the common ground ...
1 Comments, 32 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
|
|
Remember 6/26/2006
Remember what God has done for you and the successes you
have had in life when discouragement tries to take you down,
with that you can find yourself at the top of you mind again
and be able to overcome worries
0 Comments, 47 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
Unholy Bargains 6/24/2006
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead
by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd
give anything to sink this next putt."
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you
give up a fourth of your sex life?"
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will
be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen ...
0 Comments, 789 Views,
298 Votes
,3.83 Score
|
|
Comparison Shopping 6/23/2006
Mrs. White goes to the butcher shop to buy a chicken for the
Sunday meal. The butcher has only one scrawny chicken left.
He puts it on the scale.
"Three pounds, " he says.
"That's too scrawny... I'll never feed
everyone with that, said Mrs. White, "Don't
you have something bigger?"
The butcher pretends to rummage around, and then puts the
exact same ...
0 Comments, 312 Views,
99 Votes
,3.39 Score
|
|
Not the Best Seat in the House 6/23/2006
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh
theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered
to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed
one seat."
The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became
impatient.
"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going
to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just ...
0 Comments, 517 Views,
235 Votes
,3.60 Score
|
|
...another marriage joke 6/20/2006
A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts,
"Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!"
The wife says, "Great! What should I pack for? The
ocean or the mountains?"
He says, "I don't care! Just be out by the end of
the week!"
2 Comments, 139 Views,
12 Votes
,2.09 Score
|
|
Humor me with honesty 6/11/2006
My HONEST desire is to connect with a man of quiet, purposeful,
intentional, humble faith. My profile posted on Big Church
as a Christian. BLOGS and articles about doctrine, and
articles varying in wisdom and faith, keeps me skeptical,
single and yearning for a man of God who will humor me by honestly
admitting His struggles as a Christian.
Yes I am committed to telling the ...
2 Comments, 331 Views,
19 Votes
,5.63 Score
|
|
Social Security Love 6/9/2006
Two women were talking.
"So, how's your love life?"
"Oh, nothing special.
I'm having Social Security love, "
"Social Security love?"
"Yeah, you know:
I get a little each month,
but not enough to live on!"
2 Comments, 112 Views,
10 Votes
,2.79 Score
|
|
adjusting you attitude for joy 6/6/2006
many a time we often wish and desire that every thing happening
around us could and should get fit into our attitude and
the way we want it to be. But this is wrong for that can never
be possible because those things will always be and continue
to be. the world can not change for you. the ups will always
be there and the downs will never stop; what is possible
is for everyone of us to get ...
1 Comments, 58 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
|
I Am Quitting And I Will Tell You Why 6/4/2006
For most of my life somebody has always wanted to be in charge
of me. First it was the parents, then the grandparents,
then the big in the neighborhood, my siblings, etc.
Somewhere along my teenage I excepting Jesus into my heart
and He wanted to be in charge of me and finally as an adult
I wanted to be in charge of me.
The problem got to be there wasn't enough room for ...
0 Comments, 66 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
|
|
I Am So Tired, Lets Try A Little Humor 5/31/2006
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll
serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt ...
1 Comments, 114 Views,
16 Votes
,5.33 Score
|
|
Funny Isn't It? 5/28/2006
Funny how a $10 bill looks so big when you take it to church,
but so small when you take it to the market
<br>
Funny how long it takes to serve God for an hour, but how quickly
a team plays 60 minutes of basketball
<br>
Funny how long a couple of hours spent at church seem, but
how short it seems when watching a movie
<br>
Funny how we can't think of ...
0 Comments, 379 Views,
28 Votes
,6.63 Score
|
|
Another Form Of Birth Control 5/9/2006
For those who already have past this age, this
is hilarious. For those who have this age, this
is not funny. For those who have nearing this age,
this is a warning. For those who have not yet had ,
this is birth control.
Things I've learned from my (honest &
no kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000
sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
...
1 Comments, 136 Views,
16 Votes
,6.07 Score
|
|
Understanding Investments 5/6/2006
STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until
the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.
BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her
golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.
BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial
decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word
spell "Broke".
BEAR: What your ...
1 Comments, 39 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
Some Weekend Puns For You 5/6/2006
The two guys caught drinking battery acid will soon be charged.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show
you A-flat minor.
A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period.
It marks the end of his sentence.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but
it let out ...
1 Comments, 40 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
A Little Humor Before Dinner 5/6/2006
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist
who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting
room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist
desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large
unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist
said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU ...
3 Comments, 120 Views,
11 Votes
,6.53 Score
|
|
True friend as Good health 5/1/2006
Many of us seek for peace and good health and many who find
good health and peace out of carelessness loss it and become
miserable. But the one thing that is equal good health is
true friend. No wonder it is said True friendship is like
sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be
lost. So when you have true friend cherish it and try to be
one to others. But remember Jesus is ...
2 Comments, 39 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
|
|
Lets See If I Understand How The World Works Today 4/25/2006
If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work,
he blames the restaurant.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung
cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home
drunk, he blames the bartender.
If your or grandchildren are brats without manners,
you blame television.
If ...
1 Comments, 158 Views,
33 Votes
,5.99 Score
|
|
Burying the dead...... 4/22/2006
A notorious criminal in this small town died and his brother
came to the pastor and asked that he be buried in the church.
"You have to be joking me!" replied the pastor.
"Your brother was a murderer, a thief, a liar and a
wicked man!"
Well the man pulled out his cheque book and wrote a cheque
to the church for $10, 000.00
"Will this help?" he said.
The ...
2 Comments, 1074 Views,
106 Votes
,2.24 Score
|
|
LOL, FOR THE LOVE OF MEN!! 4/22/2006
I cannot tell you what it means
To have each one of you
To comfort, and encourage
And to nurture me too
<br>
I feel respect
From all of you
You've shown God's love to me
The fellowship is awesome
Beyond my belief
<br>
To have you there
Is helping me
To overcome my fears
From the pain of a marriage
That failed me for years
<br>
It hurts me ...
3 Comments, 110 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
|
gas prices 4/22/2006
sign this petition to lower gas prices
ITS LEGIT i got it off of channel 7 action news
http://bigchurch.com
if you cant get it off that site click on this site
http://bigchurch.com
PS give it to everyone u know
1 Comments, 35 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
|
I Was Diagnosed With A. A. A. D. D. 3/22/2006
Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. Age Activated
Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my
lawn. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at
my car and Decide my car needs washing. As I start toward
the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table,
that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go
through ...
1 Comments, 69 Views,
12 Votes
,6.16 Score
|
|
Rose 3/19/2006
The first day of school our professor introduced himself
and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already
know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched
my shoulder.
I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming
up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.
She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose.
I'm eighty-seven years old. ...
0 Comments, 210 Views,
29 Votes
,8.46 Score
|
|
The Sponges 3/5/2006
There are 5 sponges laying on your kitchen counter top.
Each member of your family has been cleaning up different
areas of your home, but all the sponges look the same. You
are curious as to what was cleaned in your home, but you can't
tell by looking, they all look the same, so what do you do?
You squeeze each sponge to see what comes out. As you squeeze
the first sponge, you see ...
0 Comments, 40 Views,
7 Votes
,5.59 Score
|
