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Daddy, How Was I Born? 11/6/2006
A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how
was I born?"
The father answers: "Well , I guess one day you
will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a
cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your
mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon ...
1 Comments, 216 Views,
39 Votes
,6.25 Score
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Four Catholic Ladies 11/2/2006
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first
one tells her friends, "My is a priest. When he
walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My is a Bishop.
Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My is a
Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ...
1 Comments, 53 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Now that reminds me 11/1/2006
There were these two priests who rode bikes to church every
Sunday. Well one day one of the priests showed up to work
without his bike. The other priest asked where his bike
was so the first priest said, "I don't know, but
I think it got stolen!"
The other priest said, "Well what you do is read off
the Ten Commandments, and when you get to "Thou shall
not steal" someone will ...
2 Comments, 176 Views,
16 Votes
,2.10 Score
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Pregnant wife/girlfriend 10/19/2006
If your wife or girlfriend is pregnant, you might want to
avoid saying these:
"Sure you'll get your figure back. We'll
just search 1985 to see where you left it."
"How come you're so much fatter than the other
chicks in Lamaze?"
"What's the big deal? If you can handle 'me'
going in, surely you can handle a baby coming out."
"Hey, when you're ...
1 Comments, 102 Views,
10 Votes
,0.60 Score
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Retired Preacher 10/16/2006
A preacher retired and moved to the country to enjoy life
and practice his hobby of yard work. Needing a lawn mower,
he headed into town to buy one. On the way he saw a sign advertising
a lawn mower for sale. He stopped at the house and a young
lad came out to greet him.
The preacher asked about the lawn mower and the said
it was behind the house. The two went to look at the ...
4 Comments, 120 Views,
13 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Faithful Husbands ? 10/14/2006
Three men died and stood in front of God. God asked
the first if he had been faithful to his wife. He admitted
to two affairs during his marriage. God gave him
a compact car to drive in heaven. The second man admitted
to only an affair and was given a midsize car. The third man
was asked the same question and said that he had been faithful
to his wife until the day he died. ...
4 Comments, 2744 Views,
311 Votes
,4.86 Score
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A plausable explanation 10/4/2006
One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after
eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking
up to the heavens he said, "Excuse me God, can I ask
you a few questions?"
God replied, "Go on Adam but be quick. I have a world
to create."
So Adam says, "When you created Eve, why did you make
her body so curved and tender unlike mine?"
...
1 Comments, 71 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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In the circumstances 10/4/2006
Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee.
One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on
it!"
"I've been circumcised."
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?"
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk ...
1 Comments, 68 Views,
10 Votes
,3.78 Score
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Time To Laugh 9/26/2006
A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor
to report that her husband was missing.
The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's
35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic
build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to
the ."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband
is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big ...
1 Comments, 103 Views,
15 Votes
,4.66 Score
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TEXANS IN HEAVEN 9/26/2006
Gabriel came to the Lord and said " I have to talk to
you. We have some
Texans up here in Heaven who are causing problems. They're
swinging on
the pearly gates, my horn is missing, barbecue sauce is
all over their
robes, their dogs are riding in the chariots, and they're
wearing
baseball caps and cowboy hats instead of their halos. They
refuse ...
1 Comments, 73 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Watching You 9/24/2006
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight
around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD
player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice
echoed from the dark saying,
"Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight
off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he
shook his head, promised
...
1 Comments, 116 Views,
18 Votes
,6.40 Score
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The Millionaire 9/21/2006
At a church meeting a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest
of those present about his Christian faith. "I'm
a millionaire, " he said, "and I attribute
it all to the rich blessings of God in my life.
<br>
I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned
my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night.
The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I ...
3 Comments, 1170 Views,
141 Votes
,6.77 Score
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The Hormone Hostage: 9/21/2006
The Hormone Hostage
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month
when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life
in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common
as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband,
boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!
...
2 Comments, 78 Views,
9 Votes
,4.92 Score
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Facts 9/21/2006
"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful,
but she is beautiful because you love her."
"Men always want to be a woman's first love --
women like to be a man's last romance."
"Relationships should come with those little black
boxes that airplanes have. That way, when they crash and
burn, we'd actually get some answers."
"Too many people are ...
3 Comments, 111 Views,
18 Votes
,6.67 Score
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Having Faith 9/19/2006
There was this mountain climber who was climbing up a mountain
about a 250ft high. He was about 150 feet up when he slipped,
lost his footing and slipped to a 100ft. Left dangling just
holding a little branch on the side of the mountain, he screamed
for help. Suddenly, a light shone from the clouds and he
heard a voice say "What is it, my ? Are you in trouble".
The climber replied" Please ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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What Are Your Priorities? 9/17/2006
What are Your Priorities? These are taken our of a book by
Sigmund Freud.
Five things are happening in your house at the same time.
In which sequence would you solve them?
1. The telephone is ringing!
2. The baby is crying!
3. Someone's knocking or calling you from the front
door!
4. You hung the clothes out to dry and it ...
1 Comments, 75 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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Understanding women 9/15/2006
Do you know why men don't understand women? We were
asleep when ya'll got here. One day a man was walking
on a beach in Florida, and discovered on old bottle in the
sand. Being curious he picked it up. Thinking it might be
a magical bottle, he rubbed it. Out popped a genie. "Oh
thank you, I have been imprisoned for thousands of years,
now I will grant you endless wishes. "I thought I only ...
2 Comments, 136 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
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The Fear of Rejection: A one Day Cure 9/11/2006
The Fear of Rejection: A One Day Cure Harriet Lerner Ph.D.
Excerpted from Fear and Other Uninvited Guests (HarperCollins
Publishers, New York)
Cured in a day? It happened like this:
I was surprised to get a call from Frank, a former
who now lived in Tulsa, Oklahoma. His work was bringing
him back to Kansas for a two-day seminar, and he ...
1 Comments, 79 Views,
14 Votes
,5.22 Score
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How to do atomic fission 9/10/2006
Do you know how to do atomic fission at home?
Give the atom to a three year old and tell him: "Don't
break it, honey!"
1 Comments, 48 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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The New Pastor 9/10/2006
A church had to hire a new pastor. Over the protests of one
vocal male member a woman was hired as the new senior pastor.
After the new pastor had been there a few weeks, a member
of the congregation offered to take the new pastor fishing.
The vocal objector reluctantly agreed to allow them to
use his boat and to go along.
The trio got into the boat and motored out on the lake. ...
1 Comments, 95 Views,
12 Votes
,5.10 Score
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it is more serious tolose hope than to sin 9/10/2006
Hope is an element that we all need in life to carry through
the functions of in the face of the variety of life issues
that we are confronted with in our everyday life. The importance
of HOPE was made clear in the bible when the bible says of
ABRAHAM that he hoped against hope. What that means is that
even when there was no reason for Abraham to hope for a better
thing, he choose to hope ...
1 Comments, 17 Views,
0 Votes
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Deuling Church Signs 9/10/2006
The incoming pastor of a more liberal denomination was
warned by his predecessor that the conservative pastor
across the street had a strong hold on the small town, and
could bring trouble for him.
In order to set a good tone for his congregation he put out
the title of his sermon early in the week to show that he took
his position of serving God seriously. The title: God's ...
2 Comments, 93 Views,
9 Votes
,3.00 Score
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What I Have Learned Over Time 9/6/2006
* Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables
you to look for it in more places.
* Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but
it sure keeps you from enjoying it.
* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness
of the waist change places.
* Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make
great ancestors.
* Be careful what rut ...
1 Comments, 47 Views,
6 Votes
,5.93 Score
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Smile For The Camera !!! 9/6/2006
Several years ago I went to have my picture taken for my husband
for Valentine's Day.My sister was with me and so was
my little nephew.When the guy was taking the picture he
told me to say "sex" , then he said say "money".Well
I don't know if I am just dumb or just don't expect
that sort of thing , but I thought he was just trying to get
me to smile!!! I came home and was telling my ...
4 Comments, 200 Views,
7 Votes
,2.28 Score
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Sunday Funnies 9/4/2006
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as
fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class.
As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't
let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"
As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and
fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her
dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started ...
0 Comments, 781 Views,
99 Votes
,5.76 Score
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This is worth a chuckle... In the Beginning ~ 9/1/2006
IN THE BEGINNING...
<br>
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth
and populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower
and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all
kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
<br>
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and
Jerry's and Krispy Creme Donuts.
<br>
And Satan said, "You ...
0 Comments, 822 Views,
116 Votes
,7.68 Score
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The Best Things In Life Are 8/28/2006
Falling in love
Laughing so hard your face hurts
A hot shower
A special glance
Getting mail
Hearing your favourite song on the radio
Lying in bed listening to the rain outside
Hot towels out of the dryer
Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half
price
Chocolate milkshake
A long distance phone call
A bubble bath
Giggling
A good conversation
The beach
...
1 Comments, 67 Views,
10 Votes
,5.97 Score
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Celtic Blessing 8/23/2006
"May the good Lord bless those
who love us!
May He turn the hearts of those who do not love us. And to those
whose hearts He cannot turn, may He turn their ankles, so
we may recognize them by their limp."...
1 Comments, 67 Views,
7 Votes
,2.02 Score
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The Baptist Dog 8/23/2006
A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog.
Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the must
also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and
explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose
owner assured them he had just the they wanted.
The owner brought the to meet the pastor and his wife.
"Fetch the Bible, " he commanded.
The bounded to the ...
1 Comments, 77 Views,
15 Votes
,4.51 Score
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The Loving Husband 8/23/2006
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem.
While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker
told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for
$5, 000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her
shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5, 000
to ship your ...
1 Comments, 87 Views,
14 Votes
,4.10 Score
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