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What is a Christian Man Anyway? 8/25/2005
What is a Christian Man, Anyway?
June 18, 2005
Here I am. Fifty one years old, and playing the dating game.
Could this really be how God intended it to be? Am I not supposed
to be cooing over grandchildren for a couple of hours, then
handing them back to their parents so I can make my tee time,
or get on my John Deere and get the grass cut?
<br>
What’s up? How did I get ...
3 Comments, 190 Views,
22 Votes
,5.29 Score
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Fear the Word! 8/12/2005
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening
of religious service when she was startled by an intruder.
As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its
valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!"
<br>
<br>
The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly
called the police and explained what she had done.
As the ...
1 Comments, 627 Views,
181 Votes
,6.98 Score
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Words Women Use 7/29/2005
WORDS WOMEN USE
******************************
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel
they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine"
to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have
one of those arguments.
<br>
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes
that your football game is going to last ...
0 Comments, 222 Views,
51 Votes
,7.45 Score
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Right Under Your Nose 7/23/2005
It's true.. sometimes, the right person for you is
right under your nose. Relationships have evolved a great
deal over the years. In prehistoric times, boys and girls
would probably pass notes (or stone tablets) in class:
"Do you like me? Carve 'yes' or 'no."
From there, courtship came in form of letters, sometimes
taking weeks to arrive in the mail. Now all we have to do is
place an order ...
2 Comments, 160 Views,
11 Votes
,5.22 Score
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Ultimate Relationship mistakes... 7/23/2005
One of my friends was a real go-getter, no matter what he
came across or faced in life he was more than willing to take
the challenge, move the mountain... face any and all adversity.
I used to admire his sense of adventure, sometimes I thought
how great it would be to be just like him. He was a strong Christian,
a decent man and that adventurous life had indeed produced
a pathway of ...
1 Comments, 185 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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What happens... 7/16/2005
What Happens When You Fall In Love With
A chef? (You get buttered up.)
A chauffeur? (You get taken for a ride.)
A gambler? (He cheats on you.)
A telephone operator? (He gives you a phone-y line.)
A trashman? (He dumps you.)
A clockmaker? (He two-times you.)
A pastry cook? (He desserts you.)
A shoe salesman? (He walks all over you.)
An elevator operator? (He lets you down.)
An ...
1 Comments, 189 Views,
21 Votes
,5.35 Score
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Never ever! 7/16/2005
Never ever doubt the one you love and you know loves you too.
Even if you must doubt as a human being, commit it to God in
prayer. Cherish each other no matter what. In your tough
moments, always say to each other, "i love u".
Say it with gentleness and love from your heart. Those words
heals the heart, soul and everything else. You want to bet?
Try it and you will see!
2 Comments, 160 Views,
12 Votes
,4.39 Score
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Blind Faith 6/24/2005
A flood was on its way, forcing everyone to evacuate. The
police rowed up to the most pious woman in town and said,
"Ma'am, you have to leave this house! People
are dying out here!"
<br>
The woman replied, "No, I'm not leaving. God
has always helped me before, and He will do it
again."
<br>
So as the water started to rise, she went to the second story
of her ...
0 Comments, 158 Views,
12 Votes
,5.63 Score
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funny man with no bad habit 6/6/2005
Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along
and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being
a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man
became irritated when he realized that the
beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some
money.
<br>
Suddenly an idea struck him.
<br>
He told the beggar, "I do not have money, But ...
1 Comments, 383 Views,
37 Votes
,4.17 Score
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Curious Minds 5/22/2005
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze
pilots wore helmets?
<br>
Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of
alphabet soup?
<br>
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more
specific.
<br>
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets
mad at you?
But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window! ...
0 Comments, 180 Views,
14 Votes
,5.22 Score
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Communication is the Foundation 4/21/2005
The Divorce...
<br>
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending
divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your
divorce?"
<br>
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home
in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
<br>
"No, " he said, "I mean what is the foundation
of this case?"
<br>
"It is made of concrete, ...
0 Comments, 572 Views,
66 Votes
,7.14 Score
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Beautiful Fairy 4/1/2005
A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating
their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little
restaurant.
<br>
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their
table and said, "For being such an exemplary married
couple and for being faithful to each other for all this
time, I will grant you each a wish."
<br>
"Ooh, I want to travel around ...
3 Comments, 694 Views,
82 Votes
,6.28 Score
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More kiddie humour! 3/27/2005
A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class
and she presented each in her class the first half
of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the
remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these
were actually done by first graders. Their insight may
surprise you.
<br>
While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders,
6-year-olds, because ...
1 Comments, 324 Views,
39 Votes
,7.47 Score
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Be carefull how you pray 3/21/2005
I have heard about a hiker. He was hiking in the Glacier Park
in Montana. He was out in the middle of nowhere. He though
he heard something coming from the bushes. He turned around,
he saw nothing. As he continued down the trail, he heard
something again. He turned around and saw a grizzly bear
chasing him. He ran. Knowing that he could not out run the
bear. He stopped running. ...
0 Comments, 286 Views,
33 Votes
,4.80 Score
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What is Love 3/19/2005
What does Love mean?
A group of professional people posed this question to a
group of 4 to
8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers
they got were broader
and deeper than anyone could have imagined.
See what you think:
<br>
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't
bend over
and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does
it for her
all the time, ...
1 Comments, 148 Views,
10 Votes
,5.97 Score
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Just some more say the funniest things .. 3/6/2005
Just thought I would post a couple things my 5 yr old has said
of late, just cause they are so earth shattering .. and well
they made me giggle a lil..
<br>
Mommy, did you know Einstein invented electricity and
George Washington was our first principle!?
<br>
Mommy... we better eat these bananas they are starting
to rust!
0 Comments, 187 Views,
13 Votes
,2.81 Score
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another say the um.... nicest? things 2/20/2005
My was two and well I was pretty much taking my sweet
time getting myself back in shape and had a bit of a pouf belly..
or so I thought..
<br>
One day Hannah was in my room when I was getting changed and
she pointed to my stomach and said "Mommy, is that
your belly?" I said, "Yes sweetie it is."
.. she looked for a second then started to laugh and said,
"Wow that sure is a ...
0 Comments, 171 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
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first time in church 2/16/2005
A childs first time in church
<br>
Mrs. Harrison took her three-year-old , Jenny,
to church for the first time.
<br>
After arriving, the church lights were lowered, and then
the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles.
<br>
There was silence in the entire sanctuary until Jenny's
voice was suddenly heard, loudly singing: "Happy
birthday to you! Happy ...
0 Comments, 194 Views,
15 Votes
,4.05 Score
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Just a Little Touch-Up 2/15/2005
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the
hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death
experience.
<br>
Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?"
<br>
God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months and
8 days to live."
<br>
Upon hearing this, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
and have a face lift, liposuction , and a ...
1 Comments, 514 Views,
149 Votes
,6.83 Score
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Top Ten Things Overheard on Noah's Ark 2/9/2005
10. Strange! We haven't seen another boat for weeks.
9. If only I'd brought along more rhino litter!
8. How many times around this place makes a mile?
7. I never want to sleep in a waterbed again.
6. I wonder what my friends are doing right now.
5. An outboard motor would have made this more exciting!
4. Fish for supper--again?
3. Does anyone have more Dramamine?
2. What? You don't ...
0 Comments, 83 Views,
91 Votes
,3.77 Score
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A PUMPKIN 2/8/2005
A PUMPKIN
A woman was asked by a coworker, "What is it like to
be a Christian?"
The coworker replied, "It is like being a pumpkin.
God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all
the dirt off of you. Then he cuts off the top and scoops out
all the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate,
greed, etc., and then He carves you a new smiling face and
puts ...
0 Comments, 116 Views,
35 Votes
,7.29 Score
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2/8/2005
Anyone who has ever dressed a will love this one.
<br>
Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one
of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He
asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling
and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want
to go on.
<br>
Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a
sweat. She ...
1 Comments, 189 Views,
18 Votes
,5.72 Score
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Nuns out of Gas 2/6/2005
This is not mine, but I found it on the internet and thought
it was very funny.
Two nuns who worked in a hospital were out driving in the
country when they ran out of gas. As they were standing beside
their car on the shoulder of the road, a truck approached
them.
Noticing the nuns in distress, the trucker stopped and
offered to help. When the nuns explained they had run ...
0 Comments, 143 Views,
28 Votes
,5.19 Score
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Satan Visits a Church 2/4/2005
Satan Visits a Church
A few minutes before the church services started, the towns-people
were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan
appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming
and running for the front entrance, trampling each other
in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
<br>
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly ...
0 Comments, 645 Views,
72 Votes
,6.29 Score
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Jesus and The Robber. 2/2/2005
One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say,
''Jesus is watching you!''while he
rumagged through the desk. He replied, ''Who
said that?!'' Once again he heard the same thing,
''Jesus is watching you!''
The robber looked around the room only to see a parrot. He
asked the parrot what its name was. The parrot replied,
''Cornelius.'' The robber said, ''What
kind of a name is ...
0 Comments, 731 Views,
215 Votes
,6.52 Score
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Playing golf with God 1/22/2005
Playing Golf with God
<br>
Three men were playing golf. The course was a wicked dogleg
with a large water hazard.
<br>
The first man stepped up to the tee and hit a sharp slice into
the water hazard. He walked up to the water; it parted and
he lofted his ball within one foot of the hole.
<br>
The next man steped up and hit the ball. Sure enough, he sliced
it so ...
2 Comments, 177 Views,
19 Votes
,6.16 Score
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What If 1/22/2005
What if the government required us to only date at first
on line. We couldn't post pictures until we have establiched
a relationship for at least 6 months. Then we meat that person,
and find that they don't look like the type of people
we were used to dating. What if they were short, and we always
dated tall people. What if they were a bit over weight, but
we never dated over weight ...
3 Comments, 124 Views,
20 Votes
,4.02 Score
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HEAVENS ABOVE! 1/20/2005
Testing the in my Sunday school class to see
if they understood the concept of getting to heaven:
<br>
I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big
garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that
get me into Heaven?"
<br>
"NO!" the answered.
<br>
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard,
and
kept everything neat ...
1 Comments, 334 Views,
36 Votes
,7.29 Score
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PRAISE THE LORD FOR HUMOUR! 1/10/2005
I just want to thank the LORD my GOD for creating us with the
ability to smile, laugh and joke. How wonderful it is to
be joyful in fellowship!!!! We have been created in God's
image, so I guess He smiles and enjoys a joke too! But EVEN
MORE IMPORTANT, we are not a JOKE! God chose, created and
loves us, His !
<br>
"Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues
with songs ...
1 Comments, 126 Views,
11 Votes
,5.60 Score
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If God had Voicemail 1/7/2005
This was emailed to me and it's really cute.
<br>
<br>
If God Had Voice Mail
<br>
Thank you for calling heaven.
<br>
I am sorry, all of our angels and saints are busy helping
other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important
to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please
stay on the line.
<br>
If you would like to ...
1 Comments, 187 Views,
18 Votes
,4.90 Score
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